Showing up like a partner
Breastfeeding can be a complex journey, and it's not something that your breastfeeding partner has to do alone. As a partner or dad, there are plenty of things you can do to support your breastfeeding partner and make the experience easier for them. Here are some tips for supporting your breastfeeding partner:
Encourage and praise them: Breastfeeding can be a demanding task, physically, emotionally, and mentally. Your partner may sometimes feel discouraged, especially in the beginning when they are still figuring things out. As a supportive partner, you can encourage and praise them for their efforts. Tell them how proud you are of them, how much you appreciate their hard work, and how much you love and admire them.
Take on household tasks: Breastfeeding is a full-time job. As a partner, you can support your partnership by taking on most, if not all, of the household tasks, such as cooking, cleaning, pet care, shopping, de-cluttering your space, and doing laundry. This way, your partner can focus on taking care of the baby and resting when they can. Keep in mind that healing from birth can take 6-12 weeks for most parents and that is happening while they are doing the full-time job of breastfeeding, bottle-feeding, and/or pumping.
Be involved in the feeding process: While breastfeeding is a task that only your partner can do, you can still be involved in the feeding process. You can:
bring your partner water, snacks they can eat with one hand, or whatever else they need while they're nursing.
Make sure that they space in which they are feeding is comfortable, bring them all the pillows to make them comfortable, make sure they have their phone or laptop with a long charger and headphones.
Encourage them to do things they enjoy when they feed like listening to music, podcasts, or books that they enjoy.
If you're bottle-feeding pumped milk, you can take over some of the feedings so your partner can get some rest.
Be sure to learn about Paced Bottle Feeding which supports breastfeeding, but is encouraged when bottle feeding almost always.
Learn about breastfeeding: One of the best ways to support your partner is to educate yourself about breastfeeding. Learn about the benefits of breastfeeding, different positions, and techniques that can make the experience more comfortable and effective. Attend a breastfeeding class (mine is linked on my services page) and if they see a visit a lactation consultant join the visit and take notes.
Support their decisions: Breastfeeding can be a personal decision, and your partner may have their own goals and preferences when it comes to nursing. As a supportive partner, it's essential to respect and support their decisions, whether they choose to breastfeed exclusively or supplement with formula. Remember, your partner knows their body and what fits them best, and you're there to support and empower them.
Take care of their mental health: Breastfeeding can be an emotionally taxing experience, and your partner may need extra support with their mental health. As a partner, you can help by listening to them, encouraging them to seek professional help if needed, and taking care of their own mental health as well. I encourage you to ask, "how do you feel when you are breastfeeding or when you think about breastfeeding?" This can open up a bigger conversation about how this is going for them. Consider reaching out to a therapist or support group for yourself, as caring for a breastfeeding partner can be challenging and stressful and your emotional wellbeing matters too.
Support Sleep: Sleep deprivation can negatively impact a person's emotional and physical wellbeing rapidly. As a partner you need to support your breastfeeding partner's, your baby's, and your own need for sleep. Newborns are not ready for a scheduled routine because they are going through growth spurts and developmental leaps very often. This means they need very different support on different days. So, how do you make sure you and your partner get rest during this time? Hole your baby when they are not feeding. Holding the baby will result in them sleeping longer and help your partner sleep more too. When baby wakes to feed, take them to your partner, you can do any diaper changes, support your partner to get comfortable during feeding, and then take the baby again, if that is what your breastfeeding partner wants, to hold them while your they go back to sleep. If your baby is old enough for the carrier or wrap you have, baby wearing can be really helpful!
Breastfeeding can be a beautiful and rewarding experience, but it can also be challenging. As a partner, you can play a vital role in supporting and empowering your breastfeeding partner. You can show up for them in tangible and incredibly impactful ways. Remember to be patient, kind, and understanding, and don't hesitate to seek help from a lactation consultant or other professionals if needed. Together, you can make the breastfeeding journey a little bit easier and more enjoyable.
